i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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