his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
