i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
