Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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