fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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