Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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