He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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