I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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