He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
