He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
