Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
