with your own penis?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
