in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it penis luge time yet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
