your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is wine microwaveable?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
