My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize