Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize