Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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