I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
