"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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