you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
