when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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