and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
