Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize