census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
