Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize