My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
