I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
