Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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