Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he puts the penis in happiness.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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