He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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