My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
