sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
