we made out on top of his cat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
