My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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