My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mom said you looked used
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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