Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
