So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Drunk is not a location!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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