Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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