Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
