I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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