Cold hands, warm shart.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
