please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
