Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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