Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
