my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
