I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
where are my eyebrows?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
