They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
