he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
