Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
