Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm always down for nudity.
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