You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize