SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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