Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
