he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
