it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
