I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
