well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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