This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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