Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
