please come you make the beer taste better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
