Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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