I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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