I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no you cant smoke seaweed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
