whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
