i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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