she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
