I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize