Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pray to the hookup gods
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
