I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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