dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize