i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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