Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
