i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
