the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
