everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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