If i come over, it means nothing
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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