dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
