Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dear god my vagina.
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