Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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