I accidentally had phone sex last night
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
