In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize