I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
