hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
