my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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