Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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