remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize