she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
