i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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