ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i think i just lost a toe
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
