Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize