3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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