I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
