Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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