She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
