dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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