I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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