Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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