I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Holy shit dude........stairs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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