hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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