How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
