dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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