HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
