In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize